Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
Kabiyesi was having a beautiful nap when his palace messenger ran in.
Kabiyesi oooo, the igbo people have written letters. He woke up startled. Which Igbo people he asked, sleep still disturbing him.
Peter Obi. He says he wants to come and visit you. Kabiyesi jumped from his royal bed and kicked off the latest Olori in his bid to better understand what was unfolding.
He looked straight into the red eyes of the palace messenger. Which Obi he thundered abi you have been drinking your paranga again?
The man stood up, shaking. He had never seen such fear in the eyes of Kabiyesi.
Peter Obi of the Labor Party; he sent one Yoruba man Akin to write that he wanted to pay you a courtesy call before the campaigns in Lagos
Kabiyesi started pacing around his room. He had stayed clear of the igbo people and their wahala. In fact, he had asked them all to jump into the Lagoon and was amazed that the instructions were not carried out.
Now they want to come and visit him. Do they even know the implications of the visit? Do they want him to lose the C of O of the Palace? What kind of problem is this, na?
These Igbo people are never satisfied. This is why we don’t like them, he thought.
They give our women money to buy bleaching cream, they impregnate the girls and run away now we have so many children around the palace with faces like igbo people but bearing Yoruba names.
As if that is not enough, almost every shop around the palace belongs to them, and since I asked them to jump into the Lagoon, prices of spare parts and electronics have doubled all over the kingdom.
Now they are shouting Obedient all over the place. What concerns me with all of these? They just won’t let me rest and bury my head in one place.
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He called for the most senior Olori. She is wise and once served Amala and Gbegiri to Herbert Macaulay.
Iya Shabi ‘awon Igbo’ wants to come to the palace o, and you know what that means with Jagaban. We can not take the risk o.
Olori looks at his Majesty and says – simple, my King. Tell them you are indisposed, and if they insist and you know they will because they are very stubborn people, you say very clearly that you will only want to see one candidate – Tinubu.
Kabiyesi, for the first time since morning, had a smile on his face. This is why he kept her in the palace. Even though she had been decommissioned from service in the other room, her wisdom was still needed in things like this.
The other Oloris only just danced to Fuji music and looked very good during photo sessions at the very regular Owambe parties at the Island Club.
So the media man was called in. Please send a message to ‘awon Igbo’ that Kabiyesi is indisposed with a boil on the armpit and will not be available.
The letter was drafted and delivered, and Kabiyesi went back to sleep.
He had done noble. He had saved the kingdom. The C of O of the palace had been once again saved. He was a great king.
Phew
Thanks
*The Duke of Shomolu*
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