Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
I cannot remember exactly what led to it but that blow to my eye still resonates till this day.
I swear every anniversary of that day, I feel a slight hum in my right eye.
It was about 10 years ago and I was this dashing young and very handsome investment banker.
I had an official car and a driver and I used to wear bow-tie so I was hot and attractive.
On that day, I came home from work and was accosted immediately with a red eyed wife.
Someone saw you at Yaba tech with a babe in your car. Yes, na true but as a well known guy man, I can never agree.
I turn am to fight. I say please you don’t know who or what you saw… Look I have issues at work and if that is your problem better leave me. I’m busy.
Normally that rebound attack dey work. He no work this time o.
The next thing na breast I see for my face- please who the girl was. She is your type. She is fair and curvy.
Ohh my God the information is correct o. She get am o. Kai who is the bastard wey come rat me out like this.
There is no loyalty in this country again o. But I can never agree na. Na mumu dey gree.
Please there is nobody in the car. Am I the only one wearing a bow-tie and riding black car in Shomolu and she screamed YES.
I looked into her eyes. They were red. I say in my mind when plane enter turbulence the plane they take off speed, he no dey reverse. So I go blow faster.
Look if you don’t leave my side, the slap I will give you ehnnn..is it woman I came to look for in this Lagos.
Before I knew what was happening, she grabbed my phone and that time no be real smart phone wey you for just whistle and the thing go lock
That time na palasa phone. If you just flip am the thing go dey shout – he get babe for yaba tech o.
So I had to do what any right thinking APC man will do.
READ ALSO: Our Duke has gone mad again… Edgar opens up on his unusual amount of ‘grace‘
I move in the air like superman flying towards my madam with the aim of giving her head butt and collecting my phone and if possible back flip her into oblivion
My people, I didn’t see the blow o. My face hit the blow o and my flight aborted mid air and I came crash landing like the Brazilian world cup team to the ground.
The next thing na woman on top my chest with legs wide opened and my eyes feasting at the major thing that can confuse me.
I say in a calm voice and in good English – please can you fight fair. Close your legs and stand up from my chest otherwise, I will spin around and you will find yourself where you wont like it.
The next thing na blow for my eye. You see my right eye is my weakness. Anybody that wants to neutralize me na my right eye.
Many fights for Shomolu I have destroyed all the Alagbara because they didn’t know the secret.
Because na my madam. A woman that has nacked me more than 100 times. Like my stupid cousin Samson wey go tell Delilah him secret, this one did same thing o.
As the blow the land, I just see Nebudchadnezzer on the cross beside Jesus asking that one what he thinks of Obi’s candidacy and why Bulla Ballu no want go rest.
At this point, I knew the game was over. First she was still fighting with her legs wide open to my face making me dizzy and she don punch my right eye.
I wave white flag…I say I will confess. Just stand up. She say confess first.
I say okay no problem. Na Rev Sister for St. Dominic beside Yaba tech and I was just trying to explain to her some things about life that she was not aware of.
You know say a man na man even in defeat. She stood up and walked away.
I looked around to make sure that nobody saw my demystification.
So today on the 10th year anniversary of that fight, I am seeking redress.
I am asking for a ritual to be performed by her to seek forgiveness failure in which I will expand human capital in the house at the level of the wife.
I am saying my own now o.
Thank you
*Duke of Shomolu*
Disclaimer: Comments or opinions on any part of this blogsite are opinions of the blog commenters or anonymous persons as the case may be. They do not represent the opinion of naijabloggist.com
