Our Duke has gone mad again… Edgar reflects on the day he made a politician cry

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Edgar

Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar

It was #Endsars, and Nigerians were attacking policemen left, right, and centre. We had had enough of the brutality meted out to innocent citizens by the notorious squad, which had turned themselves into a terrorist organisation.

The streets were empty as hoodlums had taken over, causing mayhem and violence. Since we said we didn’t want police, they withdrew, and we saw first-hand anarchy.

Estates were ravished, public utilities vandalised and shops and businesses looted. Nobody was safe, and some people started forming civilian vigilantes to protect neighborhoods.

Men came out with sticks, cutlasses, and anything they could lay their hands on. Some women also came out with brooms, pots, and pans. The government had collapsed, and every man was for himself.

Well, I was bored and needed some activity. The violence not withstanding, I braved it and drove the empty streets to the Ikeja City mall.

Shebi I mad abi which normal person would try that. At Fadeyi, the popular Ikorodu road was empty, with bonfires set up by hoodlums. I drove across them, and in some places, I came out to greet the hoodlums and continued on my way.

Of course, the mall was shut down. It was empty, and no shop was opened. I stood there wondering what the devil would have brought me there, and then this cluster of policemen happened on me.

They were armed, but in mufti, and their leader was in uniform. They surrounded me and barked. You want to burn the mall? I replied, una don start, na so una dey do when dem dey beat una up and down. I look like person wey want burn mall, na perfait and blue film I dey find to buy.

They laughed. Who dey watch blue film for this kind time? I say my brother my head don full, I want relax and they laughed at me o.

Then we got talking, and I heard things about their conditions of service that made me feel like leading them to the IG, or the Police Service Commission, and stripping him down naked, hanging him upside down, and asking him why he would throw people on the streets in those conditions and still give them a gun to hold.

READ ALSO: Our Duke has gone mad again… Edgar reflects on the passing of Herbert Wigwe

Let me illustrate it well. So I am a policeman on N100k a month with no real allowances, and even the 100k is not regular, and you give me a rifle and put me on the road with a loaded weapon. Basically, you are tempting me.

Faced with very real issues like rent, school fees, health challenges, and no real career prospects, would you give me a gun?

The Nigerian Police Force is populated with some of the most honest Nigerians, I swear. Some of us would have turned to real armed robbers in uniform if they gave us guns as policemen and made us serve under such conditions.

If today 80% of the members of the force are not using their powers to rob us on the road, then we have the best set of people in the force, I tell you.

Well after all the analysis, I said to my new friends, oya no need to buy the parfait and the blue film again, let’s share the money and we shared N100K among ourselves

Then something happened. The leader burst into tears. He hadn’t sent money home for over four months because he had not been paid his relocation allowance and was basically sleeping in the station.

I hugged him and said he shouldn’t worry, that even if I tell him my own story, he will cry more for me.

I left them in tears and laughter, and they all collected my number and waved me bye as I drove to the next mall looking for my blue film, wetin concern me abeg?

*Duke of Shomolu*

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