Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
So they have said today is Women’s day. The day means nothing to me as I went about my business, not even bothering about the whole hullabaloo going on around me.
But seriously, women are very complex and sweetly beautiful beings. They were delicately made with so many nerve endings all over their bodies, making them a walking bundle of emotions.
I love women because they are very colorful. Their contradictions can be scary, but in most cases, when you are not emotionally involved, it can be a thing of comic relief.
Women are sweet and soft. They are very beautiful and carry with them the signature of God’s artistry.
The way he molded their bodies. The contours, the cascading shapes with the delicate tapering that gives out the sensuous signals that weakens the strongest of men.
As sweet as they are, they have one bad habit. They mostly expect their men to be wizards.
To make her happy, you must have the powers of Lucifer to determine what exactly the problem is with them.
Not only that, you must know exactly the time that thing happened and must also be able to come out with a solution and finally be able to pet her, soothe her and beg her to accept the solution which in essence is for her own good.
All this without her telling you exactly what the problem is.
At that point, all you will hear is NOTHING. Ohhh my God!!!!!!.
The word NOTHING is what their mothers give to them, as they lay them as toddlers on their legs with the big rubber basin under the legs and being given a bath by the grandmother under the watchful eyes of other women in the neighborhood.
‘NOTHING’ is the national anthem of all women. Depending on the woman and her mood, you can hear that word NOTHING from one hour to 6 months.
Baby, what happened – NOTHING. But tell me na- NOTHING. Ok, what can I do to make you cheer up – NOTHING.
Now, if you don’t ask the question that both of you know the answer to, you will be crucified on the altar of – he doesn’t care about me.
But when you care, na NOTHING you go get.
This word is tiring and irritating. It riles me and messes up with my mental health.
Why say NOTHING but you still sit down there and fold your very beautiful legs, allowing me to sneak a peak at those luscious thighs with a s3xy frown on that perfect face.
Most men have learned to just walk away, muttering under their breath – when you are tired, you will talk wetin dey do you.
But in all of my adult life, I have never seen a man who walked away and came back to meet solution o.
In fact, if you walk away, you worsen the whole thing because by the time you come back na NOTHING senior brother you go meet – silence of the graveyard.
Finally, when the devil has left, and you ask one last time,’ baby it’s 7 days now, oya no vex again Queen of Sheba, my sweetie, my baby oya tell daddy what the matter is….
You will now be hit with a barrage of talk the velocity of a grade 5 tsunami.
In some cases, this tidal wave can last 5 days without letting up in velocity and ferociousness and will now end up in a flood of tears, soaking your parlor and damaging electronics.
Mbok, as we celebrate Women’s day, my plea to the United Nations or the person wey decide to make this beautiful day of the Lord Women’s day should help us ban the word – NOTHING
The thing can kill. It can give you erectile dysfunction. I swear.
Happy International Women’s Day, my sister’s.
*Duke of Shomolu*
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