Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
For someone who operates in the clouds, I have a lot of tiny triggers that get me anxious and irritable.
So my tattoo artist seems to think he is god. Doesn’t take calls, reads and doesn’t reply, watches my status all with no response.
A normal person would blank him abi? Especially as he is of no real consequence to my life either professionally or personally.
But I am not normal. Wracked with anxiety spasms, I will keep calling the fool, sending chats and generally irritating the person.
I hate the fact that this gives him power over me because he has the mental strength to keep ignoring me but my compulsive need to understand why further weakens me as I keep calling and calling.
Then the boy that is supposed to help with a critical travel document does the same thing. Doesn’t pick calls for weeks intermittently sending texts that his mother is sick or that he is sick but still not picking.
Now this situation always always culminates in a massive explosion of verbal and in some cases physical violence.
In that space, I suffer. When I’m being ignored especially by any one I am emotionally attached to.
I physically fall sick. My chest tightens and my breath belaboured with hands shaking and I’m sweating like I am facing a hangman.
I lose concentration and lose all my energy. I can’t write, can’t talk and lose interest in work and people.
I have smashed phones on the wall, smashed mirrors and even once yanked a TV set off the wall and smashed it to bits just because a fool isn’t taking my calls.
These mental health issues are very difficult to engage and what I have done in trying to tame it is to reduce anybody who can have that kind of effect on me to my children and a very few if not one Nahyan outside of that grouping.
Every other person, I try to hold back because people discovering this weakness have abused it severally to my detriment.
I have had dealings with people who would just simply stop taking my calls to win a negotiation or to get something from me.
READ ALSO: Our Duke has gone mad again… Edgar explains the mystery of ‘female orgasm’
I hate that you try to snatch that power from me and use it to your advantage at my detriment.
I will know what you are doing and will be biding my time and being your slave till one day, I will explode in a shout of freedom and at that time, you will never play a role in my life again till you die.
My first employer was the first person to suffer that fate. She was wicked and a terrible bully. She would shout at me at the slightest opportunity and send me to buy food for her boyfriends who were no more than my friends and age mates.
I was fearful of her and used to cry after work. I couldn’t stop going to work because by that time our family had fallen on rough times and I was basically the bread winner with my mum.
She knew because she lived upstairs and took advantage. It was worse with her ugly siblings who would come to the office and run me around even with my masters degree
Then one morning, I stood up and walked into her office and asked a simple question,’ who the fuck are you?
I still remember the look in her ugly eyes as she sat up amazed. Then like a falling dictator, she attempted a limp attack- Joe, are you crazy?
I had reached the point. It’s your father that is mad, you fermented prostitute. I rained abuses on her and walked away.
I saw her last week down on her luck. She had lost her husband and was really down. I walked past her, almost spitting on her not being able to engage in a soft and kind mode.
I hate being ignored. I hate it when you don’t take my calls. You can miss the call and call back. I hate it when you deliberately ignore me to prove a point which in most cases, a stupid point.
Having a sleepless night over you will make me hate you eventually because I will spend the whole night tossing on my couch wondering why this bastard driver is not taking my calls or why this stupid barber is not responding to my chats.
Anxiety is terrible and can wreck you emotionally, draining your confidence and leaving you a wreck.
This is why I choose my inner circle, populating it with people who are mature enough to understand that this is a very brittle and sensitive person despite all the brashness and seeming confidence.
So to my tattoo artist I block you. To the travel agent I block you and to any other senseless pig that comes my way, I will block you and erase you from my life as I struggle to battle these anxiety attacks.
Thank you
Duke of Shomolu
Disclaimer: Comments or opinions on any part of this blogsite are opinions of the blog commenters or anonymous persons as the case may be. They do not represent the opinion of naijabloggist.com
