Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
The news of the $12 million bra has hit me below the breast. As a world renowned researcher of breast and all that comes with it including the nipples, this falls within my scope of engagement.
So, while you all were sleeping, I was in deep research. I was driven by the urge to unravel what kind of breast would be cusped in such a wonderfully made contraption.
I studied over 100 pictures of former Minister Diezani trying to configure her breast size, texture and turgidity all in a vain attempt at justifying such enormous investment in a brazier
Minister Diezani cannot be described as big. She is at best very average which seats perfectly with her lithe and very beautiful body.
On continuous study, it dawned on me that Minister Diezani had very luminous and engaging eyes. Her eyes are extremely beautiful and come with dashing colour which makes me feel that her eye glasses would be more valuable than these bras.
Well, as an expert on nipples, I scoured various websites to see if I could see the former Minister’s nipples. Cos the study must understand the texture of this particular nipples to understand the kind of precious stones on the bra and its uses
I came out flat. I didn’t see anything near Diezani’s nipples anywhere on the internet. Someone should please introduce her to Tiwa Savage to advise her on the possibility of a nude photo on the net to help my research.
Then I studied the bra. The pictures displayed since yesterday and in my expert opinion from the cup size, it is very likely that this bra would rather belong to Diezani than to Ronke Oshodi Oke or Queen Latifah.
So the question is why spend so much on bras as alleged and all I could come up with was – money laundering.
When you put $12 million on a bra and you wear them at the airport, they will ask, do you have anything to declare, you will boldly say $1000 dollars and the hapless customs man will say, ‘ you can go.
Nobody will think of touching madam’s breast or asking her to unhook the bra for thorough search
This is an advanced technique from the crude insertion of hard drugs into private parts.
This is a more sophisticated and very sexy I dare say method of moving stolen funds in and out of a country badly in need of it.
Now remember that all these are allegations. Diezani is still being investigated even though these items are said to have been forfeited, we should still hold back until a competent court of qualifying jurisdiction rules
Till then, leave me with the various images in my head of the nipples that would need $12 million bra to cover.
I weak
*Duke of Shomolu*
